Just want to say that I am feeling even more crappy today than I did yesterday... when I am 'not thinking' I am ok but when things come to mind I just ...feel so bad about myself and about who I am.

Who am I?? This person that looks in the mirror and cannot see anything beautiful or positive...and I am talking not only about phisical features but about heart and soul too. I think I am becoming a bitter person...and I don't want to.

I keep trying to please everyone and in the end no one really cares about me or how I feel. It's funny because inside me I am totally different person...ok, may be not totally different but different in many ways. I wish I would look like how I truly feel. People do not take me serious because of my age and...and that so pisses me off!! I just hate them so much... it's not fair. They don't even bother trying to see my side of things. It's hell... and I know I'll only be (more) comfortable in my own skin when I am the age I feel I am right now. I feel much older than I actually am....which can be quite positive sometimes and very negative other times too.

I wish I would truly know what people think about... I wonder how do they see me?? I wonder if they see me in the same way I see me?? May be it shouldn't matter so much to me what others think about me but it does... and I care mostly about the people that are really important in my life and they do not realize how much they mean to me.

One wise man once said "It is easier to give than receive love, give than receive love..." And I feel this so much... I can love people unconditionally but never 'let' anyone love me. I do never believe someone is capable of loving me just the way I am. I don't think anyone was till this day and I don't believe someone will in the future so...I'll just keep falling in love for someone secretly and hiding everything away...

purplexxx

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